Leo’s story

My son Leo* would only poo in a nappy. He wasn’t himself at all, couldn’t play and struggled to poo. After reading the ERIC website, we realised he had a problem with withholding that we needed to tackle.

Told by Leo’s mum. *Names have been changed.

We started potty training our third son, Leo, when he was two years and nine months old. After a few months, he was wearing pants and had mastered weeing in a toilet - but he would only poo in a nappy.

I didn’t recognise that as a problem as I thought he’d get there in his own time. Then one day, he got ill and went four days without pooing. He said his bottom hurt. Then soon after that, he got ill again, but this time went eight days without pooing.

During this time, I went to see the GP and we were prescribed Movicol.

The GP told me about ERIC, so I looked on their website for advice about constipation. It was then that I saw a case study about poo withholding and children who will only poo in a nappy.

When I read that, I realised we had a problem. On top of the constipation, my son was withholding poo until the end of the day and would only poo in a nappy. I’d always thought he was so great at not having accidents as he’d never pooed his pants. Then I suddenly thought: oh no… he can hold really well – and he won’t poo in the toilet!

If I hadn’t read that, I would have just left it and thought he’d do it when he’s older – as he was only 3 years old. Through ERIC, I realised there was a problem and we needed to start doing something.

Recognising the issue

I learned through ERIC’s advice that we had to treat the constipation first.

It took a long time. My son refused to drink Movicol for a few days. Eventually, he started to drink it when we added a dash of cordial and rewarded him with chocolate buttons!

But it was a miserable time for us. When he hadn’t pooed for eight days, he wouldn’t play, couldn’t go to nursery and just sat on the sofa for hours. Then the Movicol kicked in and he became incontinent.

He had to go back into nappies all day. He only did small amounts of poo, but it was once an hour, so I had to change him about 10 times a day.

Through the ERIC poo checker we learned that a healthy poo should look like a smooth sausage. It wasn't until a few weeks on the Movicol that Leo finally started to do this kind of poo. Finally, we were back to normal.

Withholding

Now the constipation was clear, it was time to tackle the poo withholding.

He held onto poo all day and then would only poo once he had his bedtime nappy on. Even then, it would take a while for him to pass. He’d run around the house hiding in different places, trying to find somewhere he felt comfortable. Then he’d finally do a poo in his nappy, but on all fours hidden behind furniture.

Following a story on the ERIC website [Children who will only poo in a nappy and other toilet avoiders – Joshua’s story], we put a green masking tape cross on the floor to show him where he had to stand to poo.

We started by taping the green cross to his bedroom floor behind his toy kitchen. If he pooed as he stood on this cross, he put a sticker on a chart. When the sticker chart was full, he got to buy a toy.

After a few weeks of this, I moved the green cross to the bathroom floor and told him to hold onto the sink as he pooed. He managed to do this fine.

After a few more weeks, I put two green crosses on the floor by the toilet. I asked him to put one foot on each cross as he pooed. Again, he got a sticker for doing this. He managed it!

Sitting on the toilet to poo

Now I just wasn’t sure how we’d get from standing doing a poo in the nappy, to sitting on the toilet in the nappy.

I knew it wasn’t toilet anxiety, as he was fine weeing on the toilet and would practice sitting on the toilet with sticker rewards. The techniques to help toilet anxiety didn’t work for him.

So, I tried something. I had the idea to move the two green crosses onto a step, which I placed right by the toilet. I asked him to try and poo sitting on the toilet without a nappy on, then if he couldn’t, he could stand on the step with the nappy on. We continued with rewards, as they had worked. To get a new toy car, he had to poo sitting down.

We talked a lot about how we wanted him to poo on the toilet. He couldn’t, so he used the step at first.

Then one day, he was standing on the step with the nappy on, and he suddenly just sat on the toilet with the nappy on and did a poo!

This was a turning point for us. For the first time, he was now able to poo sitting down.

Taking off the nappy

At the same time, I tried to make progress each day in taking the nappy off. He couldn’t do both sides unstuck so first, I unstuck one side. Then one day, I cut slits in the nappy without him noticing and the poo fell into the toilet.

This was when he realised that I could wipe his bottom with toilet paper on the toilet and he didn’t have to lie on a changing mat.

We did a nappy with slits for 2-3 days. Then suddenly, while my husband and I were in the living room, he disappeared and pooed in the toilet without a nappy! We were so proud.

Successful toileting

My son has mostly pooed into the toilet ever since.

A few times he asked for a nappy, but we said no and eventually, he always managed to poo in the toilet.

Overall, it took 5 months from when we realised there was a problem, and 8 months from the beginning of potty training.

As a mum, I found the process very stressful and slow going. I don’t think many people understand unless they have experienced it too. I was worried the whole time that he would never be able to poo without a nappy.

I am grateful for the advice on the ERIC website, especially the case studies of ‘children who only poo in a nappy’ and the encouragement not to leave it, but to see it as a problem that the child needs help with.

Stick in there, fellow parents. One day, you too will hear the joyous noise of a plop in the toilet!

*Names have been changed