Vlad’s Story

Ana tried everything to potty train her son, but it didn’t seem to work. As he became increasingly upset and difficult to manage, she felt frustrated and alone. After calling the ERIC helpline and receiving support for stool withholding, everything changed.

As told by Vlad’s mum, Ana

We tried to toilet train our son Vlad from around two years old, but we couldn’t get anywhere. At nursery, they said he wasn’t ready, and we shouldn't push him.

When he turned 3, I said: “We really need to move on with potty training. He’s starting school in a year, I don’t want to leave it until the last minute and be very stressed.”

On a holiday, we mastered weeing without a nappy in 3 days. I thought we were getting somewhere. But when Vlad returned to nursery, he didn’t pass a poo for 4 days. It was unlike him. I was worried.

Toilet anxiety

He became very lethargic and was complaining that his belly ached. Then he did a massive, hard piece of poo. You could see that he really strained to push it out. I was very shocked when I saw it, but I thought: at least it’s over with.

After that, Vlad started passing small pieces of very hard poo 2 or 3 times a day. Every time, he hid behind the curtain or sofa. He laid on the heated kitchen flooring, trying to make stools pass.

When I tried to put Vlad on the toilet, he was adamant he didn’t want to sit or touch it. I bought all kinds of potties to try and encourage him – fancy ones, portable ones, ones with dinosaurs on - but he was adamant he would not use them.

The nursery kept saying: ‘Don’t worry. We have some 4-year-olds who aren’t potty trained.’

Potty troubles at nursery

In time, Vlad moved to a new nursery. I didn’t realise beforehand that they didn’t accept children who weren’t fully potty trained.

On day 1, they called me to pick him up because he’d had an accident, saying we had to keep him home until we’d taught him toileting.

I was shocked. My husband worked full-time, and I had just started a new job.

It made me feel like a horrible mum that didn’t want to put work in to help him to be potty trained – as if I just wanted nursery to do it and I didn’t care. If I could have done it in a week, I would have.

We tried to potty train Vlad for weeks, but we didn't get anywhere. Meanwhile, he couldn’t go to nursery.

'A classic stool withholder'

Desperate, I spoke to a specialist at a parenting class, and she told me about ERIC. I called ERIC’s helpline that day and had the most insightful discussion. The advisor said: ‘From what you’re telling me – and I’ve been dealing with this for 25 years – your son is a classic stool withholder.’

She explained that the poo had been building up for some time and that Vlad now associated pooing with pain, so he was trying to hold it in. When I realised how constipated he was, it hurt me to imagine what pain he was in.

Advised by ERIC, we went to see our GP and then did a disimpaction with Movicol medication [disimpaction means clearing out the bowel of all the old poo using laxative medication]. Then we started the process of toilet training, working together as a family. I glued ERIC’s visual processes next to the toilet and we read books on poo. I started to recognise signs – like when he was wriggling a bit, we told him: ‘Don’t worry, it’s not going to hurt you.’

Working together to tackle toilet troubles

I shared details on stool withholding, sent to me by ERIC’s advisor, with the GP and nursery. We agreed that he would go into nursery, but I’d pick him up if he had an accident. For almost 4 months, he spent no more than an hour a day in nursery, as he had daily accidents.

Now, aged 4, we are seeing progress with Vlad’s toileting – around 4 months after disimpaction. He uses the toilet, including outside of our home. He’s still on Movicol for now, but toileting has become a natural process.

I don’t know what I would have done without ERIC. I am one of the lucky ones – it was caught relatively early, and I had the right support from ERIC. I feel bad for parents who don’t have access to these things; those who don’t know, are struggling like I was, and suffering in silence.

Now, when the topic of toileting comes up with other parents, I always tell them about ERIC. There are so many free resources on the website, and the helpline is amazing. I think every parent needs to know about it.

We need more charities like ERIC. We really need more empathy. My son lost 4 valuable months of nursery time where he could’ve engaged, made friends and developed. It’s important at that age. Since he started attending 3 hours a day, I’ve seen what a big difference it’s made to his development.

Getting toilet ready for school

Words can’t express my gratitude to ERIC because I don’t know how I would have tackled that issue in time for him to start school. I can’t tell you the stress it put on our family, especially on me as a mother. I felt like there was zero help.

For our family, it was like a black cloud when every single day I was called to pick up my child. I couldn’t make any plans, couldn’t work properly, couldn’t go anywhere. People think it’s just toileting, it’s not that big a deal, but the impact it can have on your lives as a family is huge.

Thanks to ERIC, we are now at the end of the tunnel - the light is shining brightly for us. We can look to the future, and Vlad can look forward to starting school with all his friends and not feeling like the odd one out because of his toileting issues. We only want the best for him, and ERIC has supported us to give him that.